Drowning

Eleven months ago my world cracked apart and dropped me- Alone, in the very center of a vast ocean. I felt numb at first. And then, the thought (blissful) 'give up the fight, and just sink... gently... to the bottom'. No more hurt. I saw my children a little way off. I started to swim. I gathered them in my arms. I held them up-- up But, oh! How to be a raft in the middle of the ocean when I am drowning myself? People floated by, on boats, safe and secure in their world. Should I scream out to them for help? If I did, would they be drawn in to the water with me? Was drowning contagious? Often, my voice wouldn't work. I couldn't gather the strength to scream out loud. Sometimes people saw me. Sometimes they yelled out words of encouragement "Keep going!" Sometimes they threw me something to help us float. Sometimes people saw me. And they looked the other way. Sharks circled, at times. I saw them. and felt afraid. Each time they came, I prayed "Please, God!" in my mind. I knew He heard my silent screaming. The sharks did not attack directly. I felt better when I forgot their prescence. When I could begin to Trust again, I found myself able to begin to build a raft from the pieces people threw me from their boats as they passed by. My raft is afloat, now. Not yet a boat. But a beginning. I am still in the middle of the ocean. But, My children are safely held aloft. I am on watch, Against sharks. I stand with paddle poised for attack. Someday maybe I will have a boat again. And as I float through the ocean, I will keep watch for those who drown, in the ocean, all alone.